Many of the following tips are from a visitor to the Paper Dolls website, and we feel they are good advice.
- Check outdates if possible on state prison websites. Be in the writing for the long haul if the inmate is going to be held another couple of years.
- Assure the inmate you will not write a couple of letters, then disappear. This is a real downer for an inmate.
- Be forthcoming if there is a significant age difference between you and your potential penpal. Some female inmates are quite happy to have pen pals as much as 25 years older than they are. Others prefer a pen pal who could be a part of their lives after release. In most cases, they appreciate the honesty.
- Be forthcoming about marital status. Many inmates are happy someone helps make their day a bit better. And they appreciate the honesty.
- If you correspond with an inmate held in the state you live in, they will ask you to visit. Be aware of this before writing.
- It is best not to correspond with two inmates at the same facility (Paper Dolls note - or within the same state, because of transfers where they could eventually end up at the same institution).
- When corresponding with inmates, it is helpful to them to offer stamps from time to time. Be sure of the facility policy......state differs from federal....states differ from each other. The stamps help the correspondence and they can use them for barter.
- From the beginning, make it clear you will not forward a letter from them to another inmate. Most, if not all states prohibit inmates exchanging letters.
- For whatever reason, an inmate may choose not to respond. Respect this decision. If you do not want your letter given to another inmate, say so. They usually respect that. This piece of advise is based on a somewhat unpleasant personal experience.
- Be aware that, through no fault of your pen pal, your address could wind up in another inmate's hands. Rent a PO Box....they are about $5 per month.
- If you correspond with an inmate for a long, long time, they may ask you for your telephone number. You must decide this for yourself. Telephone calls by inmates are very, very expensive. But if you do so, it must be with the understanding it will not be passed along UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES !!!!!!!!!!
- Inmates are pretty much the same kinds of people as in the free world overall. There are some scam artists, some manipulators, some immature, some wise, some caring, some sincere, some sweet, some rotten. Because you can't be around them in every day life, it's more difficult to get to see what kind of person someone in prison really is, both good AND bad. It takes more time (calendar time) to get to know someone in this kind of friendship because you have less time (on the clock) actually interacting with them.
- Be wary about requests to send money soon. If you aren't the kind of person to give tens or hundreds of dollars to someone you've only spent a few hours with in your life if they request it, don't send money to inmates after a few letters. However, donations like magazine subscriptions or books (ordered and shipped directly from a distributor) are a much wiser choice to make.
Visitor's comment:
Some of my ideas have come from reading Solzhenytsin's Gulag books. Now I don't equate our prison system with the communist gulags, but one does get a hint of how difficult a controlled, vulnerable life is for men and women.
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